Things and stuff

So… I’ve obviously been a bit quiet lately. Haven’t posted in a while. A month actually. Things have been… Well, they’ve been.

Moving on… Updates. I don’t have many. On the writing front, I finally finished the first draft of a short story. It ended up being 27 pages worth. (Go me!) I started edit mode the other day. Still have yet to finish that. I’ll be sending that story to two people once I’m ready. We’ll see how good/bad it is after that.

Game stuff. There’s been lots of that. Not really a new thing, but the addition of streaming is. I’m attempting to get a schedule going for streaming via Twitch. ( Now that I have a webcam, I’ll probably be streaming more.

In addition to games being streamed, I’ll be working (or at least trying to work) on chainmaille projects. Bracelets, necklaces, etc. Who knows, maybe I’ll even try to sell a few things eventually. Not via Twitch, but on like Etsy or something.

The webcam also means that I can possibly do some drunk streaming with Eldritch. We can do some silly stuff for Drunken Alchemy. Yeah, yeah, slacking there too. But hey, we never get enough time to really do stuff for it. That sucks.

Weekends are the only time we have to get together to do stuff, and that time is usually pretty full up with vamps. Give it a few months, and my Vampire: The Masquerade campaign will be 5 years old. D’awww…

So, writing, gaming, more gaming. On Wednesday, my husband and I will be going to a fancy theater with recliners to watch the new Avengers movie. Huzzah!

/end update

Good vs Psycho

Slight update from the other day’s rant

So, turns out I got an apology from the chick who said the bad bisexual joke. She apologized for the out of context in joke, and realized how it could be taken badly.

Thing is, she stated that her and her friend both get tons of crap for being bi. It was a joke to mock the bisexual erasure thing.

So… Here’s the thing. I stated to the “friend” that I am a bisexual, and that I originally commented on it because I didn’t find the joke funny. The “friend” seemed to completely ignore what was actually said, and instead went on a rampage about how I shouldn’t bother sharing my opinions to bisexual strangers. She also apparently continued on after I was done with it, and was spouting off bullshit about how random people shouldn’t try to “step onto her digital porch”.

It’s Twitter. Everyone is on the same damn porch. You don’t want people hearing your shit, go the fuck inside and make your tweets private. There’s totally an option for that.

Also, apparently according to the “friend”, we were having a competition for “best gay”? I… I just don’t know how to respond to that one. Obviously, I’m not going to talk to her at all. Crazy gets blocked. But dude, how the hell does one jump to “I’ll eat you alive. We’re totally fighting now.” because someone simply says that they didn’t find one joke funny?

It made no sense to me. Honestly, it made me laugh a bit. It also made me a bit sad. I mean, for someone to go through bad experiences, and then totally disregard someone else because you constantly feel under attack? Yeah, that’s gotta be a stressful life.

I do appreciate the apology from the one chick though. Again, I had respect for her before. It dropped a bit from that post, but it came back up. Like I said, she’s way more open minded and accepting. She took responsibility for poor judgement. That’s rare. Especially on Twitter.

I had to send her a thank you because she was totally civil about it. Trying to get explanations out properly in 140 characters is tough. But hey, I told her that I’ve had similar experiences. I’ve had gay people tell me I’m not “gay enough”. I’ve had straight people tell me I’m “not active” because I’m not fucking both men and women at the same time. I’ve gone through shit too, which is why I responded the way I did.

People judge. It sucks. When people can actually listen and respond like an adult, it’s appreciated.

I got judged by the “friend” harshly. She seemed territorial over a stupid joke. I hope that she eventually understands how much the joke could have hurt others, not just me, by posting it out of context. I hope that she learns to understand someone’s statement before lashing out.

Rage is an exhausting thing. Hence why I was so irritated by the original situation. I had a bad day. It pushed me too far. I ranted after the fact in hopes that I would feel better. It only improved my mood a tiny bit. It’s frustrating to state simple things and not have people understand what you are saying.

I realize that my humor doesn’t come across well a lot of times with text. Again, twitter is a stupid way to try and debate things. It’s too short of a medium for proper discussion. However, if I’ve said something that you don’t understand, and then explain my stance clearly… Well, I’m done. I don’t want to argue. It’s a waste of time. Especially if one side refuses to ever listen to anyone else.

A Hearty Fuck You

Today on Twitter someone pissed me off.

I feel like I could do a daily, or even hourly, post about that.

However, today, there is ranting about a specific thing. Someone I followed retweeted a stupid thing they said. It was posted by their friend.

The image of a text involved the lines:
“Why don’t you make like a bisexual
And not exist”

Ok, so first off, fuck you.

Secondly, what the actual fuck?

Now, the statement alone pissed me off. The fact that the lady retweeted the thing pissed me off. Apparently she thought she was being hysterical. I apparently made the mistake of saying something about it. Cuz, you know, heaven forbid people have opinions on the fucking internet.

Stating that it sounded rude, via the twitter simplified way of #rude, brought the scorn of the woman who tweeted the image initially.

I basically got a “Omg, we’re totes friends, fuck you for being in our funny moment” type of response.

Let me say this…

Just because you are bisexual, and your friend is bisexual… Well, that doesn’t fucking mean that the statement wasn’t insulting. Bisexuals get a lot of shit from every community. Gay, straight, whatever. It is a common stereotype that bisexuality is just a myth. That people just make this shit up to seem edgy or use it as a “straight cover” to hide that they are gay.

I hate that shit. I hate that people have to categorize others, and that picking a label that feels comfortable to me means that I’ll have to deal with this bullshit.

So, yes, I was offended by the statement. It pissed me off. I said something about it.

What I got in return was some snotty little answer about how I should keep my opinions to myself. I’m pretty sure the chick didn’t even read what I said. I’M a bisexual, and I didn’t find the “joke” funny. Seriously, if you post on the internet, whether your own site, twitter, facebook, etc, you have to fucking know that there are other people out there that will read it. Don’t want them reading your shit and comment? Don’t post publicly. Protect your shit. Make it friends only. Simple.

Downside of all of this? I have lost respect for someone. The person making the “joke” was generally very open. It made me sad that she would say something like that, and the reaction from her friend just pushed me too far. I have had a very panic attacked filled day, and dealing with yet another person reacting negatively to me actually stepping up and voicing an opinion was too much.

It seems that the world doesn’t want to listen to me. Ever. So fine. I’ll block a few more idiots on Twitter. I’ll have some drinks, and pretend that I don’t exist. Congrats, world, you can go fuck yourself today.

Silent Castle

Push and pull
Tug on the sincerity
And watch it fall

This you have done
This you have lost
Now you enjoy the silence of all

You thought you wouldn’t bleed
So careless, and heartless
Everyone else carries the scars you caused

Keep on running
You’ll never escape the emotions
That you don’t think you have

You push people away
Pull the curtains tight
Suffocate on your own cowardice

Now there’s nothing left to hold
Nothing left to hide behind
Enjoy your solitude
Your silent castle of you

Because Fuck You

Let me start off by saying that I can’t stand condescending attitudes. People who treat you like you are a moron, and then suddenly feel obligated to “tell you like it is”.

Right. Fuck you.

If you’ve only read a twitter length statement and then proceed to explain things to me, all the while telling me that I’m misinformed, stroking my ego, and otherwise not intelligent enough to understand the “truth of the matter”…

Yeah, fuck you.

I do not appreciate people who do that shit, and feel like they are providing a fucking public service. I do not appreciate people who disregard other people’s feelings. I do not appreciate someone being told that they insulted someone, and then continue to insult them, only to finish off with a half assed “but I didn’t mean to” excuse.

Just… Fuck you.

I’ve dealt with people before who go through life with an elitist attitude, and it pisses me off when I encounter more people like that. I know I always will, and that pisses me off more.

What gets me the most is the mentality of “Well, I didn’t mean it like that, it’s not my fault you got offended. You’re just too sensitive”. Yeah, that’s complete and utter bullshit. Don’t treat another person like they are at fault when you are the one being a dick.

If you piss someone off, and didn’t mean to, just fucking say sorry. It’s one word. Two little fucking syllables. Sorry. Simple, ain’t it?

Oh, and FUCK YOU.

Argh and stuff

So, slight rant is needed right now. There were certain things brought up tonight that just irritated the shit outta me.

First off, the game that I currently play the most is Wildstar. Recently there was a discussion with people from Carbine (the company that made the game) about the status of pvp. (Not with me personally, but other players who are heavily pvp minded.)

Ok. Let me start that off by saying, how many companies take the time to actually talk to the players? I’m not big on forums, and I do know that other games discuss things via that, but still… How many of those big companies sit down to actually talk and answer questions about an area that they know is having issues? With the players?

I’ve learned a lot about the gaming industry because of Carbine’s actions. They are open. They are honest. They don’t like making promises if they aren’t sure they can keep them. Cuz, you know, shit actually takes time? This may sound like I’m on their side, and ya know what? Fuck it. I am. I like the people there. At no point do they have to tell people shit, and yet they do. It might not be every single fucking little detail, but they talk. Cuz really, if you don’t work for them, then you don’t need to know the backend details.

This is where the irritation lies. After a shockingly civil discussion between players and devs, people still bitched. People still whined that they weren’t getting what they wanted. People wanted answers, and they were upset when they didn’t get the exact things they were looking for.

Now, I can understand both sides. Devs need time to fix shit and figure out the best thing for their game. Players want a fixed product (pvp), and an ETA. I can also understand players quitting the game because they aren’t getting enough satisfaction out of it. However, the “I want it now” shit pisses me off. I don’t care if things have been “in the works” for a while. It’ll get done when it’s done.

Wildstar is has a very rich story, and actual content that should be focused on. I’m sure any pvp minded people just wanted to slap me for that, but fuck you. The story is fun. The story should be explored.

Personally, I don’t give a shit about pvp. Never really have. I usually don’t have a lot of fun with it. I prefer to work with people and not against. Granted, I actually can have fun with pvp in Wildstar. It’s a rare gem. That being said, I kind of wish that MMOs would stick to one or the other. Either be PVE or PVP. When they try to do both, each side suffers as they try to balance and make both groups happy. That sucks. People bitch, start demanding, and then make a big showy exit when nothing goes their way.

It amazes me when people feel the need to make grand exits from games. I’ve been seeing this more and more. They feel the need to announce it everywhere. I mean, if you aren’t having fun, maybe just stop playing? Save yourself the frustration. Don’t sit there and demand that a game provide you with more things to do while they are fixing the one aspect that you really want. That’s basically asking for a bribe to keep playing. I call bullshit.

Game makers should make the game that they want. Just like a writer should write the story that they want. Reading a book and suddenly telling the author to change things halfway through because you want to ship different characters is bullshit.

Just read. Just play. Enjoy. Or don’t. It’s up to you.

Show Me Your Madness

Stonehearst Asylum is streaming on Netflix. I’ve been wanting to watch this film for a while. I liked it. Pretty easy to get swept up into the story.

Biggest downside? My vamps. As I’ve stated before, I tend to “cast” my characters. Since I have practically no drawing capability, I use actors and such to represent what I feel they look like.

Jim Sturgess is one of them, and is also the main character in this movie. There were several traits that his character in the movie and my vamp share. I giggled at odd points because of this. It’s good that I watched this alone, because I’m sure I would have annoyed other people. (Unless, of course, it was my V:tM player. She would have understood and giggled right along with me.)

That part wasn’t really the downside. That came in the form of another character. His casting choice isn’t in the movie, but the setting was too close for comfort. This other character was in an asylum for over 15 years. There were a couple of points in the movie where things were very unsettling for him.

This is what I deal with. Characters react to movies I watch. I do wonder sometimes… If I had been born in a different era, how many things would have gotten me locked up?

Also, I got about twenty minutes into the movie and suddenly had to write this. It actually rather fit the entirety of the movie too. Turned out kinda cool.


Show me your madness
I’ll show you mine
Whisper of demons
And savage divine

Softly screaming
Heaven is dreaming
But you’re already gone

Hiding within
The mists and the darkness
Salvation waits to pounce

Bloody your mind
And rip out your soul
This is what you’ll find

Show me your madness
I’ll show you mine
Whisper of demons
Savage divine

Take my hand
Twist it tightly
Show me what you are

Savage divine
The angels are weeping
Show me your madness
And I’ll show you mine


Lately I’ve gotten back into Shadowrun Returns. Granted, this is another case of vamp related things spreading to other games… Yeah. I have a character that finally nailed down his hacker name. So naturally, I had to go and make a decker in Shadowrun using that name.

While playing that again, I stumbled across the fact that there is a kickstarter for a new expansion to the game. So here’s some pimpage for that. Get the game, pledge the KS, and go play in the shadows. It’s fun!

Dumbest Police Force Ever

Took a little break from the internets to watch some shows. Now that I’m back, I’m still irritated by one.

Ok, so I got caught up on Gotham, and also watched Supernatural. Both full of yay. It’s the show that I watched in between those two that leaves me with a slight bit of rage.

The Flash. I like the show. There are parts of it that I really do enjoy. There are entertaining characters, my favorite being Cisco. He’s adorable.

want to like the entire show. The bits that I don’t like… The parts that I absolutely loathe include the cops. All of them. Even the daughter of one.

Why do I hate them? Because they are beyond fucking stupid.

From the beginning of the series, I absolutely wanted to slap Iris. I have nothing against the actress. This is versus the writers. Her character is so vacant, vapid, selfish, and childishly stubborn. This is what they started with, and she hasn’t improved much. Having a character supposedly be “kind” but yet has no clue how her supposed best friend is doing/feeling? Yeah, that’s pathetic. I feel like there have been glimpses. Not for Iris, but the actress. I feel like she’s capable of portraying depth, but she’s not given the opportunity. /sigh

Her dad? Oh, yeah, I could have done a drinking game early on with that character. Every time he switched sides or changed his mind because someone told him to, drink. Fucking stick to an opinion for fucks sake. What kind of detective is that?

“Oh, you said you didn’t do anything? Ok, I believe you.” – Detective Dipshit

“He did it.” – some random guy in the corner

“Oh, I guess I have to arrest you now.” – Detective Dipshit

Yup. Then there’s the partner/daughter’s boyfriend. They seem to have gone out of their way to make him the dumb cop. Stereotypical fucktard jock kind of stupid. It’s like they wanted Iris to date someone even dumber than she was.

These three get the most air time (out of all the cops), and I really feel sorry for the actors. Their parts are horribly written most episodes, and it’s as if they are only there to portray what the writers think are “normal people”. A fact that once again was stated in the episode that aired tonight.

So… Flash writers. You think everyone in your target audience is that stupid? Really? Yeah… Go fuck yourself. You do not need to put down others to make your scientists seem smart. Maybe just write them as smart and let the actors do their fucking job, eh? I understand highlighting the superhero/villains, but there is no reason to make other people lesser in order to do that.

Argh. So much argh. The cop thing is just so damn irritating and takes so much away from the show. Hell, the entire force that was there during the “big battle” between Flash, Captain Cold, and Heatwave? Yeah, they dropped the ball. Twice. First off, they let Iris in all the way to the front of the barricade. Yeah, she’s a civilian, remember? She has no reason to be there. Second, you guys have guns. The bad guys don’t have superpowers, they just have weapons. Which were focused on the Flash… So… Guess what? Shoot them? Shoot them lots? Or… Just stand there and be dumb. That’s cool too…

Stupid aside… Yes, there was some squeeing for Miller and Purcell. So fun seeing them on screen again. I’m betting they are having a blast with these characters, seeing as they just get to be ridiculous comic villains.

Also, yes, both of them are in my vamp cast. :D

Vamp news

It’s been a while since I’ve posted, and there’s not fun reasons for that. So boo to that. Today, however, I’m back with some actual non-ranty but still rambly things. So yay for that.

Ok, vamp stuff. I did another character count tonight. As always, this is the count for fleshed out characters. I have a huge list of my characters, and my player’s characters. Yes, I have a spreadsheet for my campaign/story… It’s got their names and various info like clan, sire, etc on it. It’s helpful. Very helpful.

Not everyone on that list has a name though. I have a chunk of characters that are nameless, but I still know who they are. They have backgrounds. They have a purpose in the story. Hell, new characters pop up all the time. My spreadsheet doesn’t even fully list all the random people floating around in different areas where the player hasn’t gone yet. But hey, they haven’t been met yet, so it’s ok to leave them nameless.

Speaking of names… If you hadn’t known my level of dorkness about this campaign/story, then you should be aware that I’ve created some of my vamps in Sims 4. This has actually helped me. In that version of Sims, you are able to give everyone in a household a different last name if you choose. (It makes it easier for a roommate situation concept and such.) So… Making certain groups made me realize that a lot of characters did not have surnames.

So yes. Because of wanting to play them in a different game, I sought out surnames and got several nailed down. I felt victorious. Names elude me sometimes. Ok, they elude me alot. At least full names. Most of the time I will end up with some idea of the character name, or have a nickname that sticks. I’ll get one part of it, and it may take a while before I have a full name. (I can sit on a character creation screen for hours trying to pick the perfect name…)

At any rate, I did another count of those actually on my list.

The grand(ish) total is….


Yup. 200+. That amount is technically higher due to areas that I haven’t “fleshed out”. I’m pretty sure that it isn’t the norm for Masquerade campaigns. Granted, I haven’t actually played with many people, or interacted with strangers who play, so I can’t really tell what the average is. As a general thing, you don’t tend to find that many named and fully interactable characters in campaigns like this. It’s usually about the party vs the villain and his/her nameless minions.

At least I get to feel proud of how in depth this campaign has gotten. I’m also proud of all the “side quests”. Like I keep saying, every character has a background. Everyone has a story, and often times we get to explore that.

It’s totally fun. Dice may not get rolled often, but a lot of the time the battles are social. It’s all about the interaction. And damn if it ain’t fun to have to shift things on the fly because something new comes up during those interactions. :)