Cuz bleh



Going computer game free today due to lack of sleep and, you know, see previous post. Vamps are still happening cuz vamps are way cooler people.

I Quit

Time for another gaming rant…

Today provided another look into why I just shouldn’t play social games. People fucking piss me off.

First off, I’m sick of the “Gimme gimme” community. You know, the gamers that demand things to be made to satisfy their every need. The type that game companies cater to in order to shut them the fuck up. The problem is, it fucks up their game completely.

Change one thing to make ‘em happy, and they’ll bitch that something else needs changing or “be fixed”. They’ll nitpick and find anything and everything to whine about. They are overly vocal bratty children that just want their way, and they don’t give a shit about anyone else who gets fucked over in the process. There’s a lot of that bullshit in WoW.

Now, I’ve returned to WoW only because of the 10 day trial of the new expansion. Played a little for one day and I was already bored, and instantly frustrated with the community there. I can’t even play that game with general chat on. There is so much stupidity and vile trolling that it makes me sick.

So, gaming problems. I like MMOs. Particularly, I enjoy Wildstar. I’ve written posts about that game before. It’s unique, the combat is refreshing and engaging, and it’s full of adorable. People, however, suck. I enjoy group content, but hate people.

I had a guild in that game. One that I really enjoyed. It was full of friendly and helpful people. Entertaining too. It was a rare find. I liked many people in that guild. I’m the only one left now, and finally decided to leave it with one of my mains in order to search for a new guild. That hurt. That guild was the first one that I felt comfortable in, and accepted in, and it’s dead. I lingered in it for longer than I probably needed to in hopes that some of the people would come back to the game. But no, nothing. No one is there.

It doesn’t seem like a lot of them are coming back to the game at all either. That really sucks. The guild was comprised of people who actually wanted to explore the content. You know, actually play the game.

My search for a new guild is proving to be insanely difficult. I joined one guild, only to find them to be very clique like, and it seemed like they only recruited lots to fund themselves via guild tax. I have no desire to be there basically farming for them, and then be ignored in guild chat. Fuck that.

Any other guilds are constantly promote raiding. That’s it. Maybe the occasional pvp, which I generally don’t like. Still, I’m looking for a guild that wants to explore all of the content, and not just rush to the endgame. I encountered someone today that actually asked me “What else is there to do in this game?”. Right, fuck you for ignoring all the hard work and detail that has been put into this game. There is a lot of story content and quests. There are shiphands, adventures, and dungeons. You know, the stuff you do before raiding that actually teaches you how to do shit. I don’t want to ignore that.

This a big issue that I have with gaming nowadays. People just blow through new content (expansions/DLC) and then sit around bitching that there isn’t anything to do. People don’t enjoy the game, they just want to rush and “win”.

WoW is a big contributor to that mentality. Every expansion they produce erases previous content. There becomes little to no reason to go through quests and zones since you can fly through the levels to get to the “new shiny content”. It’s like they fuck over previous shit just so they can show off their latest thing. That sucks. It shouldn’t override content, but be an addition to it. I doubt I’ll get the expansion, or play past the 10 day thing… Cuz, you know, ugh.

As for WildStar, it’s starting to get shaky for me. Not having a guild in an MMO makes it really difficult to do content that I enjoy. Now, I’m not blaming people for quitting the game. People got other shit to do, they lose interest, etc. It happens with every game. Still, I now get to feel like an annoyance for wanting to play games with some of them. Like I’m some sort of weird online stalker now for wanting to join people I genuinely liked in other games. I feel like the annoying young kid on the block who wants to join the big kids.

That sucks too. I’m sick of feeling like an outsider all of the time. It seems like everyday situations are slowly giving me a social phobia. I don’t want to go out, and I can’t even enjoy my games now. No matter where I go, I’m met with misunderstanding and frustration.

“That sucks” does not do the feeling justice. It’s hard enough for me to meet people, let alone make friends. In a day and age where nerds and geeks are considered “cool”, I’m still scared that I’ll appear too weird for people. How fucked up is that? (A lot. The answer is a lot.)

So yeah, today is proving to be another “I should be a hermit” kind of day. One that reminds me that I’m not fit for the public. People piss me off, make me sad, and yet I’m the one who feels like I’ve done/am something wrong. I hate that.

Setting a Scene

Today I got some new music. Started off with Thousand Foot Krutch’s new album. (Had a $10 off thing for Best Buy, so yay.) When I got home, I updated my wishlist over on Amazon to take it off there. Um, ended up buying two more albums. I’m a sucker for the $5 deals…

So, upon listening to the new TFK album, I came across an interesting scene in my head. The song In My Room instantly reminded me of another song. Halestorm made one called In Your Room for their last album.

It’s kind of like these songs are singing to each other. I can see two people on opposite sides of the door just waiting for it to open.

Halestorm – In Your Room

Thousand Foot Krutch – In My Room

Both songs make me cry, and the combination just makes it worse. I’m trying to figure out which characters are associating with it. I think it connects to several actually. Yay for soundtracks.

Also, the other albums I got were Gin Wigmore and Theory of a Deadman. Both are good, and both contain songs that were already relating to vamps. :)

Challenge Failed! Or not…

Ok, so I ended up with 17,660 words written at the end of the National Novel Writing Month. Yeah, not even close to the 50k that I needed.

That sucks. A lot.

I had several days of good writing chunks though. Those were the days where I either actually had focus, or lots of caffeine, and could get a decent bit of the story written. 1,000 to 2,000 words in a night. That was awesome.

The downside is that those days were spread so far apart. That’s kind of a general thing with me though. Good days are hard to attain. Most days begin with me not being able to focus on things for very long, and end up with me feeling like I’m never going to accomplish a damn thing. Bleh. I hate that, and it’s really difficult to get out of those funks.

So, what does this mean?

It means that I’ve started a book. I’ve started something that could eventually be the beginning of a series of books.

Holy shit.

After years of gaming, I finally got it started. /happydance That feels good. In fact, it feels great. I even managed to start writing a little short story about a random character that popped up in the middle of the month.

I might have failed the 50k challenge, but I’m going to try to continue writing. I need to. This isn’t just because of possibly publishing and selling it. No, this is simply because I need to write it. I need to get this story out of my head.

Yes, I would love it if other people actually read it and enjoyed it. That would be amazing. But right now, I need to write this for myself.

So, new challenge. Keep writing. No matter how long this takes, I have to finish this book.

Turtle typing

I’ve had some time to relax lately. Have I? Not really.

It’s taking a long time to unwind all the fuckery that work has caused. I’ve never really dealt with stress well, and apparently that includes how to get rid of it.

I’m at least sort of catching up on sleep. Yay sleep.

I’m also writing. Obviously, this blog is happening, but I’m talking more about my vamp story. I’ve had rough writing days in the past two weeks. Lack of sleep and stress make me not want to do a damn thing.

I’m getting slightly better. Definitely way behind in the NaNoWriMo thing. Haven’t hit 10,000 words yet, and by day 17 I should be at 28,333. Yeah. Holy fuck.

At least I’m working on it. Slowly. Very slowly.

Writing and Worldbuilding

Ok, so as you may have noticed, I’m attempting to do the whole National Novel Writing Month thing. It’s… going. I’m behind on where I should be according to their progression stats, but at least I’ve started something.

I have a beginning to a novel. *GASP*

The vampire story that I have had in my head for years is going to end up as a long series. I knew that before I even started writing. There is so much content and so many characters to cover. This could take years to get it all out. Plus, there’s the conversion from gaming to novel, and adjusting/creating my own supernatural style universe.

On the worldbuilding note, check out Worldbuilders. It’s a damn cool event. Apparently they also have a new thing going this year. If you use their link to go to Powell’s Bookstore, anything you buy will donate 7.5% toward the charity. Neat, huh?

There’s lots of other cool stuff to check, and I thought I’d share after reading this blog from Patrick Rothfuss.

So, uh, check it all out. K? Cool.

Dreams of Freedom

Last night, or should I say this morning since I didn’t go to sleep until 7am, I had a rather odd dream.

I suppose technically I could call them normal since most of my dreams are odd. Still, there was a lot of symbolism in this one. It started off with work. Ugh. I mean, I’m so sick of work. You know this if you’ve read recent blogs here. It’s quite full of bullshit that my brain feels the need to have that show up in a dream. /sigh

Anyway, it started off with being late to work. We are transitioning back to a 4am start time, which means I have to get up early tomorrow. That part is real. The dream had me waking up at 4:35am. We were late. I was kinda freaking out and panicked. It sucked. (While I do hate being late, I really don’t think I’d give a shit that much in real life anymore.) So, I rushed to get ready, and fast forward to suddenly being “at work”. It wasn’t the store, but a rather large building/complex.

All I know is that the panic was there. The overwhelming suffocating crushing feeling of being there. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t handle it. I needed out. So I ran.

This is when it got weird. I ran out through crowded areas. It kind of had a large fancy mall or campus vibe. I got out through some large glass doors that led to a patio. Running away from the building area, I knew I had to run behind something before I shifted.

Yes. Shifted. I shifted into something. An animal. I’m kind of hazy on what I changed into first, as throughout the rest of the dream I kept changing into different animals according to my needs. Wolf like thing for running, giant hawk for flying, even going all mermaid like for swimming. Definitely kinda cool, but still odd.

The dream wasn’t over though. I was still running. Hiding from people. I remember at some point having some “drama” with a friend. The scenario being that I left, it caused problems, and they felt betrayed. I left because I had to, and I had a secret that I needed to keep away from everyone. It was about my true nature. Being a supernatural creature. I think maybe the concept of vampire briefly showed up at some point, but I’m sure it was just my association and love of the Gangrel clan in V:TM.

K, so, there was a running away theme in the dream. I tend to have a lot of those. There’s always something after me. This time nothing was actually chasing me. I just felt the need to get away. To hide. To protect others.

I’m not really happy with that symbolism. I don’t want to hide myself to protect other people. I should feel like I’m a danger or a burden to be around. That sucks.

There was plenty going on in the dream, but since it’s now 9pm, I’ve forgotten some details. This still gives you an idea of what went on. Oh, and the whole friend scenario thing? Yeah, I ended up telling her why I left because she did magic anyway. Yup. Apparently my brain had to toss in the detail that my friend was a magic user, so of course it was actually ok to tell her what I was. She’d forgive me and understand.


My brain does weird shit when I’m sleeping. It does even weirder shit when I’m awake.

Words and such

Another successful test today. I managed to sit down and let a character just talk. I got the beginning of a story started. It’s sort of a behind the scenes type of scene. Something that happened from a random character’s point of view that ends up affecting a lot of other people.


There were a few little distractions, but I did manage to get 1436 words out in about the same amount of time as that ramble yesterday.

This is highly encouraging. If I can manage at least 1000 words a day, I’ll be able to make progress easily. Today was a nice surprise. I started writing, got about 500ish words down, and figured I would go for 1000 before I finished.

At some point, I checked and was at 1100. I had barely begun the scene. The character was just starting to get going. I wrote a little more obviously, but the overall story she was telling hasn’t even really started yet.

That’s cool.

It makes me feel like I can do this November challenge. 50k words. I got dis.

If I can write a scene and the beginning takes up a few thousand words before I even really get into it… Hell yeah. I should be doing great with the word count by the end. It’s not like what I wrote today was that great. It was bare bones. I noted a few spots where I could easily describe things better and flesh the setting out. I know I’ll need to do that when I start writing the actual novel.

But hey, this scene wasn’t the beginning of a book. It was a random chapter of a random book. This isn’t even something that would really be in the main books. I know the group that I will be following, and she isn’t someone that they would even encounter until way later on.

So, there you have it. I can encourage myself and freak myself out at the same time. I’ll do well with the word count challenge, but it makes me realize how much work I have ahead of me to actually finish a novel.

1000 words a day. This is the bare minimum. I know I can do more when I really dive into a scene and get the dialogue flowing. As things progress, I will probably increase that amount until I have something to actually produce and share with the world.

Annoyed Cupcake

So, gamers have been pissing me off lately.

First off, there’s that whole bullshit “movement” going on. Not even gonna touch that shit. It may have started as something, but it got overridden with stupidity and violence. If you want to talk about a real issue, then don’t associate yourself with that fucktardery.

Second, WildStar. Ok, I just want to say that I love this game. The combat is fun, and the characters are adorable. The scenery is amazing, the music is beautiful, and the devs are super interactive with their community.

So, what is pissing me off about it?

The people.

Not all of them, mind you. Just the annoying bunch that logs on just to bitch about the game. This happens in every MMO. People don’t like how things are going, so they have to voice their opinion in game. This isn’t a free to play game either. They are paying to bitch. They are also ruining other people’s fun.

No Sir, I do not want to listen to your theories about how “the game is dead”. If it was dead, then no one would be playing. If it was dead, then no one would be here to watch you spew forth your inane ideas. I’m enjoying the game. If you are not, then go play something you like.

Here’s the thing… It’s a new game. It hasn’t even been out for an entire year yet. Now, my guess is that the team working on WildStar is, in fact, not giant. This is not a company with infinite resources. People nowadays seem to think that every game comes with an immense army of people behind it. That there will be someone available at all hours of the day and night to cater to your every whim.


They are people. They are working. They are making THEIR game. Not yours.

I can’t stand people who jump into a game, and instantly say “Well, this is neat, but you could have done this, and this, or this, and this, and why didn’t you do this and this? God, you’re killing your own game!”

Yeah, fuck you and fuck off.

The whining irritates me to no end. If you want a game with all sorts of features catered to your own specific lists of wants and needs, then go fucking make it. You are not in charge of these game companies.

Honestly, I really hope that they don’t fuck up WildStar to cater to the whiny bitches like WoW did. Yes, I said WoW. I’ve played that one on and off since it launched, and it’s really boring now.

I happened to head back to check it out after months of not playing. It was right after that last big patch. I played for about a week, and got tired of it. Over the years, I’ve seen this game get easier and easier. After playing WildStar, I found myself really zoning out while playing WoW. I mean, I could take a nap while doing most things in that game.

They dumbed down a lot of things in the game. They made it faster to level, and easy to bypass TONS of content. That sucks. There is no challenge. Actually, the only challenge in the game is keeping up with the amount of /ignore I have to do due to spam, and stupid fucktards.


I want WildStar to do well. I want people to stop comparing it to other games. They are not making other games. They are making their own, and it’s awesome. If you can’t handle it, then you aren’t worthy of being a Cupcake.


Next month I am going to attempt NaNoWriMo. What the fuck is that, you ask? It’s National Novel Writing Month. The goal is to write 50,000 words in one month.


Now, as you know, I have a TON of stuff to work with. My vamp story has a lot of plots and characters. I could (and should) write a ton of it. So like I said, I’m going to attempt it.

My goal will be to sit and write at least one hour a day.

Writing 50,000 words of fiction really doesn’t take that much time. Slow writers find they can write about 800 words of novel per hour; a speedy writer (and good typist) can easily do twice that. Which means that the whole novel, from start to finish, will take and average writer about 55 hours to write. – Chris Baty

Now, that quote makes it seem like it won’t take long. I know it will due to the way my brain works. I skip all over the place. It’s hard for me to focus on one scene at a time and just write straight through.

The great thing is, I don’t need to be linear. It’s all about the word count. As long as I’m writing various sections, it still counts. If this even remotely gets me started on my first book, it will be a miracle…